CLEAN Program Week 2 Completed

I got to spend some quality time with a good friend this evening. I've been very lucky lately. I can just put out a call on Facebook, and it's answered. Last week it was, "What's going on tonight LA buds?" and I got a text 20 minutes later about joining some friends for a night out. Today it was, "Who wants to get drinks tonight?" and my great friend Alex answered my cry.

I've been struggling to get out of the wreckage of this break up. It's been better lately, but the loneliness itself is crippling sometimes. I told Alex that I've taken on my lonely moments as a challenge. A pain I have to get through, as if I had a cramp that I was waiting to pass. Just breathe through the stretch, be still, and it will be over, and once the darkness is gone, I feel as if I've accomplished something. I got through the pain of loneliness, if only for that one night.

She reminded me of the freedom of being my own person apart from a relationship; any relationship for that matter. She reminded me that in the quiet moments of life, I can do whatever I want. Whatever I want. I realized, that's so true. A smile crept across my face as I thought of all the possibilities that I could take advantage of in those lonely moments. She told me, "Just think of what YOU really want to do in that moment. What YOU want, not what anyone else wants, or what you want to do with someone else, what do YOU want, right then and there, and do it. No one else is around to stop you or judge you. I could tell someone tomorrow and laugh about it with them, or it could be my secret."

I could drive to the 24 hour CVS and get some ice cream.
I could watch Father of the Bride on Netflix.
Go see a midnight movie.
Drive to the beach.

I left her house, and immediately felt lonely, so I did what I used to really like to do. Back when I used to drive to Mark's apartment, I'd listen to Mat Kearney on the highway in the dark as I drove alone all the way to Pasadena. I used to love that time with myself. I'd blast the music, really dig into the lyrics, and the darkness made the melancholy music even more emotional and moving. Tonight I put on the new Mat Kearney album, and drove home in the dark. I got to my street, and just kept going. I went all through Larchmont until the album started again, then I made my way into my garage. It was a bit bittersweet, but great. I missed doing that.

She also reminded me to do things that make me feel better about myself. I have worked out everyday for the last 2 weeks because of that reason. It just makes me feel better about ME. The cleanse is going, well, okay. Not the greatest. But I'm seeing a difference in my body, which I'm super excited about, and I'm not giving up. Even though I've stumbled a few times, I'm going to finish it out. I made up a vegetarian crabcake recipe the other day:

Cauliflower
Veganaise
Old Bay seasoning
Dijon mustard
Gluten free breadcrumbs
Sunflower oil

Toss the cauliflower florets in olive oil and salt, roast in a 400 degree oven for 25 minutes until fork tender. Mash in a bowl (it will resemble lump crab meat!) Add veganaise, dijon, Old Bay, and breadcrumbs as if you were making normal crab patties. Form into cakes, fry in a quarter of an inch on Sunflower oil.

It was actually an accidental recipe. I had roasted the cauliflower and was mashing it to make faux mashed potatoes, but the consistency ended up coming out looking like coarse crab meat. :)

My boss left yesterday to shoot in Boston and will be gone for at least three months. He hired a temp assistant to take care of stuff for him while he's up there, which I'm not sure if I should be relieved or offended by. Anywho, looks like I basically have a three month paid vacation ahead of me. I'm not sure what my schedule is going to look like without him around, but I'm guess preeeetty slow. I'm going to do some traveling, cooking classes, I will probably (gasp!) take some workshops and try to audition for stuff. I can definitely get a few projects done in three months, right? This job is panning out to be a pretty sweet deal.

CLEAN Program Week 1 Completed

First week is done! I can’t believe it.

I’m going to be completely honest...I’ve cheated. More than a few times. Nothing crazy, I haven’t binged, but one of my childhood friends came into town last Saturday, and I had some ice cream in the late afternoon and two cocktails late in the night. Monday I was taken out to dinner by one of my mentees, and I couldn’t find anything on the menu that would completely pass the elimination diet, so I had a salad and some tomato soup (tomatoes are a big no-no.) But I do have to say, 85% of my last 7 days has been right on track. I haven’t missed any of my supplements, and I have a shake for breakfast, and eat super healthily besides a few slip ups. I either have a shake for dinner, or aren’t hungry enough for dinner. I feel lighter, I wake up more well rested, and my itchy skin has really subsided. My clothes are fitting a little less tight, and my hair and nails are growing like crazy.

Making these shakes every morning and night is becoming a fun challenge for me. I just look in the fridge and guess what would pair well, and it turns out pretty great! Here are a few of my favorites I’ve made up:

Choco Coco

1 scoop chocolate Nourish

1 scoop Move

2 drops stevia

1 packet powdered greens

handful of dried coconut shreds

8 oz. unsweetened coconut milk

Blueberry Mint

1 scoop vanilla Nourish

1 scoop Move

heaping handful of blueberries

fist full of spinach

3 ripped up mint leaves

8 oz almond milk

Mango Coconut

1 scoop vanilla Nourish

1 scoop Move

1 packet powdered greens

1 cup mango chunks

1 drop stevia

small handful of dried coconut shreds

8oz unsweeted coconut milk

Tuesday I made homemade gluten free crackers! So easy!! You roll out the slab of dough on a baking sheet at 400 for 20 minutes, and then break it into crackers after it cools. They taste good, and I’ve been eating them with guacamole or tuna.

Kinda fun, right? I’m a nerd.

I’m finally sleeping in my own bed again! The two-week house sitting period is over. It looks like I won’t be going to Boston, but the boss loved Jackson Hole so much, that he’s buying a house there, and will send me there to settle it in. He made it sound like a vacation; I think it’ll be more like a “be there to meet the contractor” type thing. Whatever, some fresh air sounds nice, although the bustle of Boston is more my speed. Hopefully I can bring someone with me so I’m not so lonely. But, who knows when that’s going to happen so no need to worry about it now.

Happy Friday everyone!

New Beginnings: CLEAN Program Day 1

The University of Dreams Girls' Night went fairly well. Only 3 of my girl friends ended up coming with me, which proved to be pretty helpful since only about 8 Dreamers showed up. We stayed with them until midnight, had great conversation, and didn't even need to bust out the wine!


This morning I started the 21 day cleanse from the Clean program (www.cleanprogram.com). It's a detox to help eliminate built up toxins and let the digestive system rest for a bit. I've been "pre-cleansing" for about 4 days now, and today starts the real thing.



Here is a snap shot of what they call "the elimination diet". A list of foods you can and can't eat. Since I've been studying veganism, raw, and clean eating for a while now, this list makes sense to me, and I already try to eat this way normally. The only problem is, I can't cheat. At all. Blah. So, no pizza on the weekends, no wine or cocktails, and no bread. For 21 days. Honestly, I'm okay with it. This is the most prepared I've ever been for a cleanse, and it's coming at a good time in my life. I have the money and time to keep up with it, and my body needs it. My skin is bad, I'm not sleeping well, my eczema is flaring up like crazy...it's time.

The day is as follows: A shake in the morning consisting of these ingredients:

The powdered greens are something I added in myself because it's easier to drink them than eat them, especially that many in a day. You'd need about 6 sturdy greens salads to make up for what's in that little packet, and even with the blessing of Whole Foods and in LA there's a farmer's market everyday, I still wouldn't be able to readily find some of the super greens that are in the packet (spirulina, sorel, etc.) The Move powder is a soluble fiber that helps with "elimination" (a nicer way to say "pooping") and the Nourish is a protein powder fortified with nutrients and a few minerals; I have a canister of vanilla flavored and one of chocolate flavored. I've been having smoothies or juices in the morning for a while now anyway because breakfast has never been a favorite of mine, but I've learned from the way my body reacts that I need breakfast or I'm cranky, or binge around noon, so this shouldn't be too hard of a change for me. Thanks to Gina, we have a Vitamix, so I'm lucky to have such a bad ass tool to make my shakes with. My shake this morning was a scoop of Move, scoop of chocolate Nourish, packet of greens, small handful of organic no sweetener added coconut flakes, and about 6oz. unsweetened almond milk. Pretty good actually!


Here are the supplements I must take each day. The bottles on the left are the normal things I take anyway (whole food, gluten/dairy free women's multi, omega 3-6-9, and Holy Basil, only in the morning), and the rest are 3 times a day. There is also a refrigerated probiotic I have to take every morning on an empty stomach.

Lunch is a meal from the elimination diet, and more supplements. There is no portion control, just eat until you're about 80% full. You should be drinking plenty of water (duh).

Dinner is another shake, same ingredients as the morning, although I'll probably leave out the green packet, plus the supplements. THIS is going to be hard for me. I've made a very bad habit of making dinner the biggest meal of my day, which is probably why I don't see any change in my body or sleep regimen even though I'm working out 4-5 times a week. My friends work 9-5(ish) jobs, and the only time I can see them is in the evening, and what do normal Americans do in the evening? Eat dinner after work. Birthday parties, and weekend get togethers are going to be hard as well since I can't drink or eat. I'm planning on downing a smoothie and my supplements before going to a party so that I'm full and won't want to eat or drink.

I'm sure I'm going to get lots of shit for this, especially when this cleanse has to bleed into social settings. "Why? You're not fat!" "You don't need to lose weight!" etc.
1) Thank you, but yes I do. I'm not happy with the way my body looks, especially in a bathing suit, so I'm going to trim down a bit.
2) My insides need some serious cleaning. If you know me well, you know that I've had a lot of random and a bit scary health problems the last 7 years or so, and I need to nip them in the bud.
3) I've been going through a ton of stress lately, and this is something that I can control and be proud of. Working on my health, and eventually doing cleanses is something I've been looking forward to for a long time, but never had the funds to do. My horoscope in August says to not start anything new, but work on things you've been putting off for a while, or started and never finished. Well, this is something I've been building up to do for a while now.

As you know, I love food very much, all kinds, so this is going to be both the most difficult thing ever, and the best thing ever. Cooking is my passion, and I constantly think of food and meals. Food Network is my drug of choice and Ryan has the Cooking Channel so I've been indulging in that while I'm living at his house, which then leads to cravings, which then leads to me randomly making broiled steaks and gratins at 9pm at night like a weirdo. I need to fill my headspace with something else. I want to read more, walk around my neighborhood more, find new music.

So, if you'd please encourage me and pray for me during this process. I'm excited for the rejuvenation it will garner. It will be tough, but I've had tougher, right? :) I will keep you updated each day. If you have any questions, or want to know more, please ask. I love raw, organic living and if you want to get started, it's a lifestyle I wholeheartedly recommend. One of my many goals in life is to become mostly raw, and continuously learn about my body and the way nature intended it to be.

Brain Farts

I'm not your average PMSer. Why yes, I am prone to the "standard" type-A bitch fits, shameful carb binging, and crying over the Crazy Stupid Love 30 second movie trailer in between sobbing uncontrollably watching Surprise Homecoming. But one thing I'm thankful for during these 6 days of terrorism, is my superhero-like creativity.

It happened last night. I was parked at In N Out by LAX at 11:30pm. Listening to Drake's "Marvin's Room" and eating a hamburger and a fry well done. (I wasn't joking about the carb binging.) I had the most brilliant, actually feasible idea for a small business. My brain was exploding. I was typing fervently with my greasy fingers into an iPhone note.

It isn't the first time. It seems about once a month I get a burst of hormone fueled entrepreneurial creativity. Last time it was to start a cooking school for little girls. (Still want to do that by the way.) The time before it was to start a smoothie food truck. (Still want to do that by the way.) Some times they're little: Have a dinner party! I bet I can make ice cream with coconut milk!

A few weeks ago, as I told you, I was able to go back and speak to the intern students of University of Dreams about all that I've accomplished in the last 3 years here in Los Angeles. While it's nothing exciting, to them, it's as if I've successfully flown to the Sun. I was able to speak with a few of the girls after the seminar, and in my overstimulation I blurted out to a group of them, "OH MY GOD LET'S HAVE A LADIES NIGHT!" They were pretty excited. Once the endorphins of my new found "fame" died down, on the car ride home I thought, "What did I just promise? And what does 'ladie's night' even MEAN?" I decided to Facebook a few of my favorite ladies in the industry (who also happen to be my really close friends, aren't I the luckiest?) asking them if they'd be willing to come down to UCLA, have some wine, and speak with a bunch of 18-23 year olds about moving to LA, and "making it" in the industry. A meet and greet/Q&A if you will. Of course, because they are all fun, smart, sexy, successful women who also happen to be the sweetest people alive, most actually obliged!

Last night as I waited for Elise to land, I had this epiphany about what Los Angeles was lacking: Bad ass women in the industry. Now, don't get me wrong, there are upstanding women in the industry, but they are few and far between. LA is full of low self esteem plastic cougars, Playboy gold diggers, disheartened bitter singer songwriters, cowardly set PAs, and silent, terrified, ambitious girls who are ready to kick all the male directors in the balls with their talent and creativity, but don't know how, and don't have a voice. We need a community to back these girls up. We need to encourage the future bad ass women of Hollywood to come forward with conviction and be people worth celebrating. We have "Women in Hollywood" organizations around here, but its strictly based on achievements and millions made. I want to promote and honor truly good people. Who the core of them is to reach their dreams and be the best they can be as a woman.

I decided I need to create an outlet for girls moving to LA, or those who have been here but can't find good role models or a good community of healthy, fun, hard working, kind women to build them up and encourage them. We need a young women's society that has the Hollywood community in mind. We'd hold mixers and meetings every week to give these girls a place to network. Seminars from top, respected women in the industry who made it to where they are not by being a back stabbing bitch, but by hard work, passion, friendliness, and thankfulness. We'd travel to other cities, or set up an online community to answer questions from girls who have thought to move here, but are crippled by fear of the unknown. While I haven't achieved all my career goals, I'm still in the very beginning stages, I feel like I have a lot of advice to give about being out here, and about self esteem and growing up in general. I want girls to see how proud my friends and I are, and know they can be the same. And it will only get better as each of us continues to grow and accomplish in this town.

I am thankful for all the good people I have as friends here. Successful, driven, worthy women who glorify those around them and are always looking for ways to help others and improve themselves as an individual. It sets me on fire! And we need to spread it! This UOD Girls Night is just the beginning.