I stayed up until about 2am on Sunday night finally finishing the Dallas and Denver episodes.
Welp, nothing too exciting in either of the D-Towns this time around.
In Dallas, there was creepy Barney girl, who went all Britney/Christina on the judges and wanted to show how she sexily rebelled against her childhood. Snooze and sleeze fest. She wasn't that good either. She'll be gone quickly in Hollywood week hopefully.
How adorable was Todrick? Once he said he was touring with the Color Purple, I knew he had to be good, and he even made up the most clever original song about the judges and AI. Very nice. He is the epitome of the "perfect pick" to go through to Hollywood: creative, good vocals, good stage presence, humble and sane.
I am really growing to love Victoria Beckham. I saw her on Ellen, and she was very quiet, but such a doll, and then to see her on all these eps of American Idol, she is so endearing and such a sweetheart! She was the guest judge yet again in Denver.
Mark Labriolla tried to convince us that people mistake him for Jack Black. Um. #1, you don't look anything like him besides that you're overweight, and #2, you try to make every maneurism mimic Jack Black. TRYING to be Jack Black doesn't make you him darling. Annoying.
Kimberly Kerbow sang Ingrid Michaelson (good song choice). She has a very sweet voice, and deserved to go through, but was OBVIOUSLY wearing a wig. Very odd. And NO one said anything about it to her face. The judges finally briefly commented on it after she left the room. They made a whole storyline out of her singing the Rogaine line of the Ingrid song directly to Simon, who became defensive and a bit offended. Rogaine? Wig? Ironic?
Danielle Hayes blew me out of the water with her Melissa Ethridge rendition. She has such passion and I appreciate her candidness. I think I use the same judging criteria as Kara for a lot of these kids. If you've gone through some shit, your voice is going to be so passionate and moving, and she was exactly those things.
Casey James did nothing for me. He wasn't hot, and was an okay singer. Where's all the hot guys American Idol??
Did Nikki Nix remind anyone else of Tatiana from last season, minus the annoying laugh?
Haeley Vaughn is SO sweet and has a firm grasp on how to be competitive. She knows she wants to be one of the first black, pop/country stars. A great goal, and she has a great voice. A real stand out.
Danielle and Haeley were my definite two favorites out of the D-Towners. Links to their auditions below:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S5H-kQSJcOM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qWoAgATSwK8
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Give A Care
Here's an interesting thought that crossed my mind tonight: Does one live longer by caring, or by not giving a care?
I have actually been battling with this question for a long time without realizing it. It comes with being existentially anxious, so I learn to cope with this control mechanism of "caring" on a daily basis. Is that all that caring is? A way to isolate something so that you can control it yourself, and rationalize it? Let me explain: I care about people in my life. A lot. And tonight, it finally occured to me, maybe I care too much.
I once read in one of my psychology books during undergrad that people who don't have children are happier people. They are generally healthier, are more successful in their careers, and have less stress, which leads to a longer life and ultimately, a more constant happy state. Parents on the other hand, are less happy, but feel like they are contributing to the world. A parent will tell you that having their child(ren) was the most wonderful thing to ever happen to them, but I think that's just an excuse for the fact that you might as well like it because you can't get out of it now, and while yes, you can find joy in your child, you'll never know how happy you could've been without them. (There is a point to this I promise.)
I think deep down everyone has goals for themselves. You voice those goals to people you trust, sometimes work towards them, and ask people to hold you accountable in one way or another. When you fall off track, it hurts me on a deep level. I invest time in you. I talk to you whenever you want to talk, I encourage you, I am kind and patient, I laugh at your mistakes and your downfalls because I hope that you will learn and understand from them, I am there for you at all times to lend an ear, to help you, to finance you; I invest my time. Not for my own gain, but because you tell me you want to achieve these things over and over again, and that you want to work toward them, and sometimes you do, and then all of the sudden, all the work comes crashing down, and I'm just supposed to watch it happen and be okay with it because its "not my life?" Well, it is my life. Because you're my friend. And I put my emotions and effort into you, your well being, and your goals in life. When you fail, I fail. I understand people stumble, but when you blatently don't give a shit, and are an obviously strong enough person to accomplish said goals but choose to embarrass yourself and let yourself down, should I stand for that over and over again? How many times can one person talk all this talk, put in around 53% of the effort, be an idiot, and I'm supposed to just start all over again? What if I don't feel like it because it hurts? Do I care too much?
There are a few friends that I have where I see the potential in them, but I don't let myself get involved because I know they aren't trying to better themselves, are happy with who they are, and aren't asking for the "help". Not saying I friend people because they are in need of help, I'm just saying, there are those friends that you know are set in their ways, and you are fine with that. You are friends, you are close with them, but you love them for who they are because they know who they are. I guess I should just approach every friendship in that way. Tell people I don't want to hear what their expectations in life are because its going to piss me off when they ignore them.
I carry the burden of all this on my shoulders because I put a tiny bit of the blame on myself everytime you don't give a shit. That's probably my fault, and I'd probably have less stress in my life if I didn't care. But how do you just NOT care? That's impossible, and kind of rude. How do you tell your friend, "You know what, don't ask me to pray for you, or to help you get your priorities in line, or help you in this endeavor at all. Don't expound on the process of how you're going to get there and how much happier you'll be once you do, because I know you will only let me down and I don't want to put in all the 'help' you ask from me and be made a mockery of." How do you ever have close friends if you don't care, but how do you not hurt yourself in the process? How many times do you have to go through the cycle until you decide that your heart can't handle it?
Would my life be better, and could I possibly tack on a handful of years by not getting so involved? Probably. Would I have any close friends or children? No. But is it worth all the pain and stress? I haven't figured that out yet.
I have actually been battling with this question for a long time without realizing it. It comes with being existentially anxious, so I learn to cope with this control mechanism of "caring" on a daily basis. Is that all that caring is? A way to isolate something so that you can control it yourself, and rationalize it? Let me explain: I care about people in my life. A lot. And tonight, it finally occured to me, maybe I care too much.
I once read in one of my psychology books during undergrad that people who don't have children are happier people. They are generally healthier, are more successful in their careers, and have less stress, which leads to a longer life and ultimately, a more constant happy state. Parents on the other hand, are less happy, but feel like they are contributing to the world. A parent will tell you that having their child(ren) was the most wonderful thing to ever happen to them, but I think that's just an excuse for the fact that you might as well like it because you can't get out of it now, and while yes, you can find joy in your child, you'll never know how happy you could've been without them. (There is a point to this I promise.)
I think deep down everyone has goals for themselves. You voice those goals to people you trust, sometimes work towards them, and ask people to hold you accountable in one way or another. When you fall off track, it hurts me on a deep level. I invest time in you. I talk to you whenever you want to talk, I encourage you, I am kind and patient, I laugh at your mistakes and your downfalls because I hope that you will learn and understand from them, I am there for you at all times to lend an ear, to help you, to finance you; I invest my time. Not for my own gain, but because you tell me you want to achieve these things over and over again, and that you want to work toward them, and sometimes you do, and then all of the sudden, all the work comes crashing down, and I'm just supposed to watch it happen and be okay with it because its "not my life?" Well, it is my life. Because you're my friend. And I put my emotions and effort into you, your well being, and your goals in life. When you fail, I fail. I understand people stumble, but when you blatently don't give a shit, and are an obviously strong enough person to accomplish said goals but choose to embarrass yourself and let yourself down, should I stand for that over and over again? How many times can one person talk all this talk, put in around 53% of the effort, be an idiot, and I'm supposed to just start all over again? What if I don't feel like it because it hurts? Do I care too much?
There are a few friends that I have where I see the potential in them, but I don't let myself get involved because I know they aren't trying to better themselves, are happy with who they are, and aren't asking for the "help". Not saying I friend people because they are in need of help, I'm just saying, there are those friends that you know are set in their ways, and you are fine with that. You are friends, you are close with them, but you love them for who they are because they know who they are. I guess I should just approach every friendship in that way. Tell people I don't want to hear what their expectations in life are because its going to piss me off when they ignore them.
I carry the burden of all this on my shoulders because I put a tiny bit of the blame on myself everytime you don't give a shit. That's probably my fault, and I'd probably have less stress in my life if I didn't care. But how do you just NOT care? That's impossible, and kind of rude. How do you tell your friend, "You know what, don't ask me to pray for you, or to help you get your priorities in line, or help you in this endeavor at all. Don't expound on the process of how you're going to get there and how much happier you'll be once you do, because I know you will only let me down and I don't want to put in all the 'help' you ask from me and be made a mockery of." How do you ever have close friends if you don't care, but how do you not hurt yourself in the process? How many times do you have to go through the cycle until you decide that your heart can't handle it?
Would my life be better, and could I possibly tack on a handful of years by not getting so involved? Probably. Would I have any close friends or children? No. But is it worth all the pain and stress? I haven't figured that out yet.
Friday, February 5, 2010
Life Update
I will get back to blogging about American Idol soon kids. I know, I'm like a week and a half behind, but things have been crazy around here. This is going to be a long one...
First of all, my roommate Gina and I had a terrific housewarming party last weekend! If you asked us the afternoon before, and even in the thick of the party, we would've told you we were about 82% sure we would be served an eviction notice in the following week because of the shindig. We invited about 50 people, 25 of which rsvp'd "yes", and then 40 of which actually showed up. It was loud, and crowded, but very fun. We had tons of food, cranked the music to 100, and mingled. It was great. And everyone was gone by midnight. Perfect.
The big news of my life is that I am leaving Reveille. Yes. The day has finally come, I didn't forget the promise I made to myself. I was offered a job at the new Soho House that is opening at the beginning of March on Sunset. If you don't know about Soho House, you can get some info at sohohouse.com, and read about each individual house, or just google "Soho House". I will be working 30 hours (tops) a week there, either the breakfast, lunch, or dinner shift, being paid $14 an hour. I will be a part of guest services, pretty much a personal assistant to each member for the duration of their visit there, whether for a meeting, or for a meal, or just hanging out. A true blessing. A respectable, fun, classy job, that pays well, and has the hours I need to pursue what I'd like to actually pursue. Everyone at Reveille, especially Jeff, is really excited and happy for me. One of the best parts is that a few of my executives are members of Soho House, so I'll still be seeing them on a regular basis. I told Jeff last night that I will be starting at SH on February 17th, which means I have two weeks of full time here, and then I'll be back periodically until the end of February wrapping stuff up and training someone new when I can. Which will be perfect.
I'm really excited about my new opportunity and my new found time. :) I'm also really scared. I don't have an excuse anymore for not auditioning and putting myself out there. Before it was that I had a 60+ hour a week job, and I was tired at night, and had to catch up on life on the weekends. Now, I'll be a bit poorer, but I'll finally have the freedom to get the ball rolling. We'll see what happens.
I am going to miss my Reveille life so much. I don't know anything else but them. They were here for me when I had no one else. They have literally become my family. I moved here with nothing and no one, and they took me in, took a chance on me, welcomed me and loved me like I never thought anyone here in LA ever would. They have taken such good care of me, on so many different levels. I have never been more grateful for an opportunity in my life, and talking to Jeff last night about leaving, I started to cry.
Jeff and I are usually the last ones in the office. Everyone goes home around 7 or 8, but him and I are still here, plugging away, and in his worst times of procrastination and/or ADD, he'll come up to my desk, or I'll go back there, and we'll shoot the shit. Last night, I sat on that couch in his office for probably our last "life" talk. He was nothing but supportive, as always. I explained to him that this was probably the last thing he needed right now with how busy we all are, especially him, but I got another opportunity that would be best suited for what I want to pursue. We talked about it for a while, and it was a lot less scary once I got talking. I was so worked up all day, scared about how he might react, and I really think the grace of God was in that room when we talked. We had a pretty solid conversation about the new position and the possibilities, and then he started to talk about this past year and the my waterworks began. He told me that he couldn't have picked someone better to grow with and to teach, and that I should be extremely proud of myself for coming straight out of undergrad to LA and into the thick of it all and doing a better job than most. He was so proud of me, and he wants me to follow my dreams, and knows without a doubt that I'm going to do great things. He also wanted to make sure that my parents knew and approved. He said, "Okay, wait, do I need to call Norm and Val?"
I do not like my job. I love my company, my boss treats me well and takes care of me like family, but I don't like my job. Its boring, its not what I want to be doing in the slightest. Mostly, the hours are so extreme that it wears on me emotionally and mentally that I don't have time to do what I really want to do, which makes me hate it for a whole other reason. Jeff agreed with me that staying here is just going to stagnate me. If I really want to do this "acting thing" as he called it, I need to get out there and see what happens. When we talked before the holidays about where I want to go, what I was contemplating about my career, etc. He offered to give me a few random afternoons to audition. As long as I told him in advance and was sure to only take a few hours. He had no idea how it worked. Its not like a dentist appointment. I can't guarantee its going to be a certain number of hours, I can't even guarantee I can tell you a day in advance. But, he told me that after we talked, he spoke to an agent friend of his who gave him a reality check on how time consuming it actually is to pursue an acting career, and that's when he knew he had to let me go.
It was just a blessing that we could have a conversation about me moving on and be on the same page. He didn't try to bribe me to stay, he didn't try to talk me out of it, or make me feel stupid for taking advantage of a "lesser" opportunity. I stayed late last night, after Jeff went to his dinner appointment, and hung out with some of my friends around here. We sat around, ate sushi, talked about our jobs and our dreams and our opportunities. They congratulated me and just loved on me. Its going to be so hard to leave them. My family. Alex, JD and Chris coached me all day on what to say to Jeff and literally would stop what they were doing to take me aside and console me before my "big talk". Alex stayed later to make sure that it went okay, and she even helped me practice what to say beforehand. This whole week she has checked on me every few hours to see how I was doing, if I had heard from my new employers, how I was feeling about it all, etc. The loves of my life. I can't believe I was given the opportunity to be with these people, and to call them my friends. I can't believe they let me work here. I can't believe I got placed at one of the most upward moving, caring, companies in LA. I hear horror stories of other jobs and other employers around this town, and when I mention to someone that I work for Reveille, they go on and on about how lucky I am to work for "such a great company". I'm truly blessed. And I know I can always come back and have a place here. Not necessarily to work (I mean, if I ever wanted to, I probably could come back for that) but if I ever want to come visit, I'll be welcomed with open arms.
So, I guess you will never have to hear me bitch about my desk job ever again. :) I hope this new opportunity proves to be as helpful and promising as it seems to be. By the way, I got to pick out my uniforms yesterday morning and they are BALLER. They are all made by Keiss out of the UK, and I got to mix and match a whole rack of clothes and they're ordering my sizes. I felt like Lauren Conrad. :) My training starts the 17th, and then the opening is March 1st. They aren't open to their members for the first two weeks, because its reserved for private Golden Globe parties only. You heard me. This is going to be a legit job. And this is going to be a legit 2010.
First of all, my roommate Gina and I had a terrific housewarming party last weekend! If you asked us the afternoon before, and even in the thick of the party, we would've told you we were about 82% sure we would be served an eviction notice in the following week because of the shindig. We invited about 50 people, 25 of which rsvp'd "yes", and then 40 of which actually showed up. It was loud, and crowded, but very fun. We had tons of food, cranked the music to 100, and mingled. It was great. And everyone was gone by midnight. Perfect.
The big news of my life is that I am leaving Reveille. Yes. The day has finally come, I didn't forget the promise I made to myself. I was offered a job at the new Soho House that is opening at the beginning of March on Sunset. If you don't know about Soho House, you can get some info at sohohouse.com, and read about each individual house, or just google "Soho House". I will be working 30 hours (tops) a week there, either the breakfast, lunch, or dinner shift, being paid $14 an hour. I will be a part of guest services, pretty much a personal assistant to each member for the duration of their visit there, whether for a meeting, or for a meal, or just hanging out. A true blessing. A respectable, fun, classy job, that pays well, and has the hours I need to pursue what I'd like to actually pursue. Everyone at Reveille, especially Jeff, is really excited and happy for me. One of the best parts is that a few of my executives are members of Soho House, so I'll still be seeing them on a regular basis. I told Jeff last night that I will be starting at SH on February 17th, which means I have two weeks of full time here, and then I'll be back periodically until the end of February wrapping stuff up and training someone new when I can. Which will be perfect.
I'm really excited about my new opportunity and my new found time. :) I'm also really scared. I don't have an excuse anymore for not auditioning and putting myself out there. Before it was that I had a 60+ hour a week job, and I was tired at night, and had to catch up on life on the weekends. Now, I'll be a bit poorer, but I'll finally have the freedom to get the ball rolling. We'll see what happens.
I am going to miss my Reveille life so much. I don't know anything else but them. They were here for me when I had no one else. They have literally become my family. I moved here with nothing and no one, and they took me in, took a chance on me, welcomed me and loved me like I never thought anyone here in LA ever would. They have taken such good care of me, on so many different levels. I have never been more grateful for an opportunity in my life, and talking to Jeff last night about leaving, I started to cry.
Jeff and I are usually the last ones in the office. Everyone goes home around 7 or 8, but him and I are still here, plugging away, and in his worst times of procrastination and/or ADD, he'll come up to my desk, or I'll go back there, and we'll shoot the shit. Last night, I sat on that couch in his office for probably our last "life" talk. He was nothing but supportive, as always. I explained to him that this was probably the last thing he needed right now with how busy we all are, especially him, but I got another opportunity that would be best suited for what I want to pursue. We talked about it for a while, and it was a lot less scary once I got talking. I was so worked up all day, scared about how he might react, and I really think the grace of God was in that room when we talked. We had a pretty solid conversation about the new position and the possibilities, and then he started to talk about this past year and the my waterworks began. He told me that he couldn't have picked someone better to grow with and to teach, and that I should be extremely proud of myself for coming straight out of undergrad to LA and into the thick of it all and doing a better job than most. He was so proud of me, and he wants me to follow my dreams, and knows without a doubt that I'm going to do great things. He also wanted to make sure that my parents knew and approved. He said, "Okay, wait, do I need to call Norm and Val?"
I do not like my job. I love my company, my boss treats me well and takes care of me like family, but I don't like my job. Its boring, its not what I want to be doing in the slightest. Mostly, the hours are so extreme that it wears on me emotionally and mentally that I don't have time to do what I really want to do, which makes me hate it for a whole other reason. Jeff agreed with me that staying here is just going to stagnate me. If I really want to do this "acting thing" as he called it, I need to get out there and see what happens. When we talked before the holidays about where I want to go, what I was contemplating about my career, etc. He offered to give me a few random afternoons to audition. As long as I told him in advance and was sure to only take a few hours. He had no idea how it worked. Its not like a dentist appointment. I can't guarantee its going to be a certain number of hours, I can't even guarantee I can tell you a day in advance. But, he told me that after we talked, he spoke to an agent friend of his who gave him a reality check on how time consuming it actually is to pursue an acting career, and that's when he knew he had to let me go.
It was just a blessing that we could have a conversation about me moving on and be on the same page. He didn't try to bribe me to stay, he didn't try to talk me out of it, or make me feel stupid for taking advantage of a "lesser" opportunity. I stayed late last night, after Jeff went to his dinner appointment, and hung out with some of my friends around here. We sat around, ate sushi, talked about our jobs and our dreams and our opportunities. They congratulated me and just loved on me. Its going to be so hard to leave them. My family. Alex, JD and Chris coached me all day on what to say to Jeff and literally would stop what they were doing to take me aside and console me before my "big talk". Alex stayed later to make sure that it went okay, and she even helped me practice what to say beforehand. This whole week she has checked on me every few hours to see how I was doing, if I had heard from my new employers, how I was feeling about it all, etc. The loves of my life. I can't believe I was given the opportunity to be with these people, and to call them my friends. I can't believe they let me work here. I can't believe I got placed at one of the most upward moving, caring, companies in LA. I hear horror stories of other jobs and other employers around this town, and when I mention to someone that I work for Reveille, they go on and on about how lucky I am to work for "such a great company". I'm truly blessed. And I know I can always come back and have a place here. Not necessarily to work (I mean, if I ever wanted to, I probably could come back for that) but if I ever want to come visit, I'll be welcomed with open arms.
So, I guess you will never have to hear me bitch about my desk job ever again. :) I hope this new opportunity proves to be as helpful and promising as it seems to be. By the way, I got to pick out my uniforms yesterday morning and they are BALLER. They are all made by Keiss out of the UK, and I got to mix and match a whole rack of clothes and they're ordering my sizes. I felt like Lauren Conrad. :) My training starts the 17th, and then the opening is March 1st. They aren't open to their members for the first two weeks, because its reserved for private Golden Globe parties only. You heard me. This is going to be a legit job. And this is going to be a legit 2010.
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