American Idol Season 9: LA

Whoa, sorry I'm a bit late on these posts. It's been a topsy turvy week.

Listen kids. Let me give you a little advice. An audition for American Idol is about four things: 1) Likeability. Are you someone that the nation can relate to/root for/like as a person? 2) Looks. You have to know who you are. Are you the sexy one? Are you the artsy one? Are you the family man, the blue collar guy, the homegrown guy? You need to make sure they know WHO you are. 3) Song choice. Once again, you need to know who you are. Pick an awesome song that not many others would pick, that is easy to sing under pressure, that you sing WELL, and that shows what kind of artist you imagine yourself as. 4) You NEED to have a story. This is the hard part. If you are a normal kid from O-Town who leads a pretty normal life (me) you aren't going to make it to the judges. You need to find something that makes your journey unique.

Can I please just preface my city's auditions by saying, Los Angeles, although sometimes wacky, is NOT as trashy, weird, or flamboyantly gay as they portrayed on Idol this past week. Rediculous. But, Andrew Garcia was the stand out of the whole two days. Right when he walked in with those emo glasses and a neck tat, I knew he would be the one to blow everyone else I've seen so far this season out of the water. Incredible. The family segment of his interview was adorable, and how FREAKIN legit was his dad?! Did you get a looksee at those gang tats?? Holy s-h.

Um. Mary Powers. Terrible. I do NOT know why she was allowed into Hollywood week. She sang a cop out song (a good song, but an easy song) and had the most awkward stage presence of anyone I've ever seen. Simon thankfully called her out on her hideous and faux "rocker" impersonation. It looked like she just stepped out of a angsty 15 year old's closet who works part time at Hot Topic. She'll be gone pretty quick hopefully.

Annnddd, then there was Chris. Creepy Chris, who was seriously and obviously channeling Justin Guarini. I mean, bless his heart, he has had a rough road, but it seemed all that got him through was his story because his vocals definitely didn't shine. I'm surprised no one mentioned the blatant Justin Guarini resemblance.

Its always very awkward when ugly people try to be overly sexual. I found myself dry heaving numerous times within the 7 minutes of Jason Greene's "audition", if you could call it that. So uncomfortable and disgusting. I just wanted it to be over.

I tried to hold it in, but here comes the rage: DO NOT TRY TO BE ADAM LAMBERT, PEOPLE. I was LITERALLY standing yelling at the tv during the segment of "Adam Lambert wannabes". That's exactly what they were, wannabes, not even close to his talent. Then, AJ Mendoza, had the balls and audacity to say that he sent his demo to Adam and "Adam had nothing but fantastic things to say about my voice." Bullshit AJ. He was being nice to you. You sucked. Don't try to be my boy. Ever. You will never be as good.

Please watch Andrew and cry: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1f0_YyxpDYI&feature=player_embedded Put on a diaper starting at 2:04 because you WILL be peeing yourself.

And please watch AJ Mendoza and puke. If I ever see him on the streets around here, I'll probably laugh in his face. What a jerk. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B3bAKwky85w

And then watch my Adam's audition. :) I'm glad someone helped him with his breathing once he started performing on the show. Don't let Paula's hat distract you from his vocals. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kHN51MtHDTI

American Idol: Season 9 CHICAGO and ORLANDO

I'm melding these two cities together because there really wasn't that much excitement between the two of them. They both are great cities, and are always promising, but alas, nothing earth shattering.

Chicago, I can't even remember what happened there it was so uneventful. I remember a montage of a lot of people pissed off towards the camera for not getting chosen, and the golden tickets were slim.

In Orlando, I was hoping to see people that I knew!! :( None. Maybe next season, right guys? (We always say that, don't we?). But, there were a few stand outs. I liked the story of the guy with the autistic son, even if it did seem like they were stretching for a story and putting the little boy in an awkward situation. The dude had a good voice though, and a great heart. The last audition of day 2 was my favorite. His story was a bit lame ("I did 4 years in jail for robbing a bank with a bb gun." Really??!) but the minute he busted out that Ray LaMontagne, I melted. What a great song to choose, and he sounded great. If he keeps those kinds of tunes up, like Kara said, he'll go to the top 12 for sure.

This coming week is Los Angeles, at the Rose Bowl. Grr. I should've taken off that day and went. I hope there's some good people! Adam Lambert came from the LA audition last year. :)

American Idol: Season 9 ATLANTA

Welp, last night was Hotlanta. I went to Atlanta once. Downtown Atlanta is the scariest place I've ever been in my life. I have walked around downtown Los Angeles in a mini skirt at 1am, I have roamed the streets of New York City as a 15 year old, yet I have never been more scared than I was visiting the ATL just a few years ago. Its dirty, trashy, there were tons of alleys and crevaces to get lost in, and the only halfway presentable place was the Olympic centennial park. I don't want to know what that city looked like before the Olympics graciously celebrated there.

I was pretty excited about the Atlanta auditions. One of my favorite artists of all time, Mary J Blige, was the guest judge, and I was ready for some awesome soul singing. I conveniently forgot that the Atlanta regional auditions also mean all the country folk from the surrounding states hitch up their wagons and come to sing Loretta Lynn and Garth Brooks.

There was one INCREDIBLE R&B singer. His look reminded me of Pharrell, but he sang like Usher meets John Legend, Brian McKnight, or one of Usher's more mature counterparts. I'll be rooting for him for sure.

Then, there was precious Vanessa from Vanore. She sang one of my favorite songs of all time, "Wagonwheel" by Old Crow Medicine Show, and was SO completely nervous. If you didn't get to see her, please youtube her audition and her interview. She has a very distinct voice, not necessarily great, but she has an amazing story; someone you really want to root for. I cried when they told her she was going to Hollywood. I'm excited to see how she'll transform.

Unless you've been living under a rock today, I'm sure you've heard about the General. He was obviously too old to audition, but the crew and Ryan ended up loving him and invited him to sing his song for the judges. Youtube "Pants on the ground" and prepare to see Mary J laugh more than you've ever seen a black woman laugh in your life.

Now, I love the my Blige, but why the long face, girl? She looked so extremely bored during ALL of the auditions. I think she was disappointed because she had the same expectation for Atlanta I did: R&B/hip hop voices!

There were many more good ones in Atlanta than Boston. Some were downright great. That police officer towards the end? He reminds me a bit of Michael Carver, but better. And not as scary looking.

American Idol: Season 9 BOSTON

Oh boy. Its that time of year again. American Idol season is like freakin Christmas in my eyes. I was BLASTING Adam Lambert in the car yesterday night as a kick off in honor of this momentus season. I know I'm one night late, but I was contemplating if I really should create a sounding board for myself this season. I always say I will and then never do, and as the seasons go on, I wish I had some place to voice my emotions. Yesterday, after I freaked out to my boyfriend about open call Glee auditions, (and proceeded to sing him my whole repertoire) he mentioned during the show that he liked to hear my critique of the people and the show. That may have been a good thing to say, or a bad thing. But its a good excuse, so, on that note, now I will begin the tradition.

I'm a bit worried about this season. I feel like the American Idol run is coming to a close, and I need to take it all in. With the departure of Paula, and the imminent departure of Simon, I fear this may be the last good season. We shall see. In the mean time, I stay glued to my dvr.

Its only been one audition city and I've already seen the most adorable Irishman that I'm going to swoon after all season. His name is Luke. He has red hair and the most perfect, dainty, Irish slant nose you've ever seen. Not the best vocals ever, but he has this alternative vibe going on. He's my American Idol so far.

They decided to litter this first audition episode in Boston with both heartwarming and cliche stories of trying moments in people's lives. There was one dude who battled cancer, there was one girl who was 1 of 9 children, 3 of whom are Down's boys (adorable). And then, there were the stories that they were fishing for: The 16 year old who is "really really close" to her alzheimers grandma. Who has a voice that we've all heard before. The 16 year old who sounds like LeighAnn Rimes. ZZzzz. Boring. Been there, done that, time for a new breed. And I'm sick of the black girls who sound like all the typical gospel singing, Jennifer Hudson worshipping black girls. Where are the Lauren Hills or the Corine Bailey Raes? Come on people.

And of course, my least favorite part of the show, all the rejects. I feel so bad for those people. Plus, they take up the minutes that I could be watching all the people who ACTUALLY got a ticket to Hollywood! At the end of every audition episode Ryan always says, "and {insert number} hopefuls get their golden ticket to Hollywood" and they flash through everyone yelling, jumping and crying for 15 seconds, and half of them you didn't see audition at all. Instead I had to watch some serious Bostonian ("wicked awesome") with a short shirt and ugly gut try to sing Pocket Full of Sunshine.

There weren't very many stand outs to me in Boston. Besides Ginger Luke. The girl with 3 Down's Syndrome brothers was sweet, but not an amazing voice. There was one girl who was REALLY good (wearing glasses, shorter, wavy hair) but they didn't show a lot of her audition! Ugh. I can't wait until Hollywood week where the emphasis is talent. And can I be frank for a second? That serial killer dude with the hipster glasses was actually, really good. Too bad he was a complete dick.

I will be blogging every episode! Stay tuned.