American Idol Season 9: LA

Whoa, sorry I'm a bit late on these posts. It's been a topsy turvy week.

Listen kids. Let me give you a little advice. An audition for American Idol is about four things: 1) Likeability. Are you someone that the nation can relate to/root for/like as a person? 2) Looks. You have to know who you are. Are you the sexy one? Are you the artsy one? Are you the family man, the blue collar guy, the homegrown guy? You need to make sure they know WHO you are. 3) Song choice. Once again, you need to know who you are. Pick an awesome song that not many others would pick, that is easy to sing under pressure, that you sing WELL, and that shows what kind of artist you imagine yourself as. 4) You NEED to have a story. This is the hard part. If you are a normal kid from O-Town who leads a pretty normal life (me) you aren't going to make it to the judges. You need to find something that makes your journey unique.

Can I please just preface my city's auditions by saying, Los Angeles, although sometimes wacky, is NOT as trashy, weird, or flamboyantly gay as they portrayed on Idol this past week. Rediculous. But, Andrew Garcia was the stand out of the whole two days. Right when he walked in with those emo glasses and a neck tat, I knew he would be the one to blow everyone else I've seen so far this season out of the water. Incredible. The family segment of his interview was adorable, and how FREAKIN legit was his dad?! Did you get a looksee at those gang tats?? Holy s-h.

Um. Mary Powers. Terrible. I do NOT know why she was allowed into Hollywood week. She sang a cop out song (a good song, but an easy song) and had the most awkward stage presence of anyone I've ever seen. Simon thankfully called her out on her hideous and faux "rocker" impersonation. It looked like she just stepped out of a angsty 15 year old's closet who works part time at Hot Topic. She'll be gone pretty quick hopefully.

Annnddd, then there was Chris. Creepy Chris, who was seriously and obviously channeling Justin Guarini. I mean, bless his heart, he has had a rough road, but it seemed all that got him through was his story because his vocals definitely didn't shine. I'm surprised no one mentioned the blatant Justin Guarini resemblance.

Its always very awkward when ugly people try to be overly sexual. I found myself dry heaving numerous times within the 7 minutes of Jason Greene's "audition", if you could call it that. So uncomfortable and disgusting. I just wanted it to be over.

I tried to hold it in, but here comes the rage: DO NOT TRY TO BE ADAM LAMBERT, PEOPLE. I was LITERALLY standing yelling at the tv during the segment of "Adam Lambert wannabes". That's exactly what they were, wannabes, not even close to his talent. Then, AJ Mendoza, had the balls and audacity to say that he sent his demo to Adam and "Adam had nothing but fantastic things to say about my voice." Bullshit AJ. He was being nice to you. You sucked. Don't try to be my boy. Ever. You will never be as good.

Please watch Andrew and cry: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1f0_YyxpDYI&feature=player_embedded Put on a diaper starting at 2:04 because you WILL be peeing yourself.

And please watch AJ Mendoza and puke. If I ever see him on the streets around here, I'll probably laugh in his face. What a jerk. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B3bAKwky85w

And then watch my Adam's audition. :) I'm glad someone helped him with his breathing once he started performing on the show. Don't let Paula's hat distract you from his vocals. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kHN51MtHDTI