20 Things to Do Before You Marry

http://www.thefrisky.com/post/246-20-things-every-woman-should-do-before-she-gets-married/?cnn=yes

As silly as this is, this is so true. While I haven't completed all of these things (my 25th birthday is still a few years away), the ones on the list that I have braved will forever be in my heart and mind as the things that made me a stable, upstanding woman who is on the road to being mature enough for a marriage. I got teary eyed reading the list and being proud of the things that I have experienced, on my own, in life. It takes a lot of strength to not only complete some of these things, but to GET OVER completing some of these things, and the heartbreak and guilt that comes along with them.

This note also comes on the brink of a revelation I had this weekend.

King David was a man after God's own heart, because of the ways he would respond to the holy spirit's conviction on his errors and immediately be humbled and willing to repent and make right his wrongs. Not because he was a fierce warrior, a devout disciple, and sometimes a terrific person, but because in his weakness before God he would say, "You're right. I'm sorry. I have wronged you. But, what now God? Tell me and I will go." His family was eventually brought to their demise by David's sins, and for a culmination of things, a few being: He was lustful to a dangerous degree, he was "unequally yoked" (I can explain that to you later if you'd like, right now that's not the point of my story), and he was passive in many aspects of his family life. There is a verse that states, "[David's son] was never rebuked by his father, him asking, 'why do you behave the way you do?'" Later in his sons's lives, David would again be passive, not asking the tough questions, not convicting in a loving manner, which would eventually lead to his children's deaths and the deep brokenness of his family and faith.

Sorry. Don't mean to creep you out. :) The reason I tell you this story is because I was convicted of being too passive in my family life, as David was. Not that it will ultimately cause my son to rape his sister or my sons to kill each other, or create some irreconsilable rift in my family (God I hope not), but I do believe that God is trying to speak through me in a way that can touch someone's heart. I call myself a great daughter, a great sister, because of the ways I listen, am patient, and try to constantly make everything smooth over. That's fine, but I do that too much. I'm afraid to tell people what they need to hear because my family is the type that never ceases to tell you the way your life "should" be lived. Because I'm not there all the time, so how could I possibly know what's going on? Because they hear it enough from those around them who aren't speaking words of truth, just words of scorn. Because what if I say the wrong thing and it pushes them away? What if I lose their trust?

My sister is getting married. Its a terrible idea. I said it. Terrible. I can list the reasons. But I won't. I haven't told her that I think this is a bad idea on many levels. I am just being "supportive" because she hears enough shit from the rest of my family; random reasons that don't matter to her.

Do you love someone enough to not be passive about their decisions, their life, and how they are treating others? If you can see the potential in them they can't see, what do you say to them? I'm tired of being passive. I have never been one to stand on the sidelines and act joyful. I dive in, and AM TRULY joyful. I don't feel that way towards what is supposed to be the most joyful day of her life. I feel God is calling me to talk to her about it, but I don't know where to begin, or how I'm going to say something of meaning in a caring way that 100 other people haven't already tried to tell her. Maybe its not my job to change her mind or to make her see that she is better than the life and relationships she is setting up for herself. But maybe, just maybe, if I enter the conversation in prayer, humility, and compassion for her life, God will say the words that I can't think of to say.