Jitters

I have been having such awful anxiety for the last few weeks. Its not my normal, random anxiety attacks, its ALL THE TIME. I wake up with the jitters and the worries. I can't fall asleep. My body is so exhausted, but my mind feels like it needs to run 45 miles to get the energy out. I'm constantly on the verge of tears. All last week I cried my face off to Glee and Idol Gives Back.

I just traveled to Florida to visit my family for a few days, and it was really nice. I finally got used to the weather on my way to the airport to come back to LA. I didn't get any sleep, but the few hours I was there were relaxing. I didn't have to work which was a nice reprieve. I went to church, the beach, and got to spend a few hours on a yoga retreat. I ate some good food and got to laugh with my sisters. I didn't get to see much of my daddy or my best friend though. :( Next time I guess.

Spoke with some dude two weeks back about him being my manager. He was very convincing, said all the right things, and seemed very legit. No red flags whatsoever. I spoke with some of my other friends about the meeting just to bounce off some ideas and they all told me to go for it. The way it works obviously, is that I don't pay anyone for any type of representation unless I'm getting jobs through them. In other words, they work on commission. Good thing, because I sent this guy all the shit he asked for from me (not that much work on my part honestly; he wanted my other headshots and a short email about my career goals) and I never heard from him again. Weird. He was like, practically begging me to be his client. Whatever. Onto the next one. I'm working on sending out a mass mailing to some management companies I've been researching so hopefully at least a few bites will come from that.

Work has been quite the bore. I don't really like it all that much, and the dayshifts are so slow I want to rip my eyes out. I wish I could sit down, or be on the computer, or SOMETHING. But management are out of their minds and literally want us to just stand here. They don't want us checking our email, eating a snack, drinking anything other than water, or leaving our "post" even to go to the bathroom. So, I'm on my feet for 8 hours straight, and I just stare into space or smile at members. Or if I'm feeling bold, I just do what I want and discreetly eat a granola bar or post on my blog (whoopsies). It's the worst. Night shifts are a bit better because they are fast paced and I get to see cool people.

I need something to take up my time other than work. At least I'm not there all that much. I'm currently still trying to find a 401 class that fits my schedule. I'm nervous to take it without JD, and its been a while since I've finished 301, but the longer I wait the more anxious I get about it, so I have to just DO IT.

The weather is finally starting to get nice here. Hopefully all this work at the gym will pay off soon. Its been almost a month and I don't see any real results yet. Probably because I need to balance it with my diet (whoopsies again).

I have an appointment at the Santa Monica Wellness Center next week to see about what's going wrong with my stupid body. No crazy breakouts as of this month, but some other crap has been going on, so I really need to have someone check me out and see what's out of balance, and I refuse to go to another western practicing doctor.

What a weird, downer post, huh? Well, on a lighter note, summer is starting and I can't wait for camp and Rachel's wedding. Mark and I are trying to plan a trip for our 6 year anniversary in June. I'm thinking somewhere close to the coast down south. Capistrano? Around there. Just for a weekend.

And that's about it for now. I'll catch you up soon. Oh, and I got to see Dr. Dre last night. :)